What happened in Durham, NC on Wednesday, April 10, 2019 was a traumatic and disastrous event. What I experienced that day was a feeling that events and circumstances like this are a result of doing too much. Of going so fast that we are incapable of seeing what is about to happen. It is a continuation of growth and force that eventually, without appreciation or loving kindness practice, will over charge. Will combust.
That night, what was needed for me and my being was a moment to be more inward. A time to let go on to the earth, to be supported and to allow my own strength to soften and at the same time expand into my whole Self.
In the Dream Space, we had two hours of restorative yoga with nina be where what arrived was an awareness of my strength and the effects and toll it has on my body. Awareness doesn’t mean to judge what is, but to witness and appreciate all that is.
My two nuggets after class about my own body, was allowing the tightening of my butt, and all the continued grasping I have done over the years, to expand up my body. All the holding and strengthening could be transferred into extending and coming more forward-- leaning into it with support, courage, and compassion.
Complementary, I realized my grasping of the top of my shoulders is really a habit of going up. Of wanting to hold myself up and keep going up, higher and higher. Again without judgment, the years of tightening has built strength, and now, as I awake more of my body, it can be used to support; and instead of up, allowing the tightening and grabbing to expand outward to the sides and down, back to the earth and all.
There was a bigness to that day that has showed me that being at the Dream Space, practicing yoga is what’s real. It is being myself, not doing. Not growing, Not achieving. Just being. Practicing yoga with nina be and Daria, is what is natural. It is what makes sense and what is honest.
What I feel and what I experience in my practice is the ability to really have a choice to be me. Without distractions, without judgement, without wanting or urging, I can choose to be my best self. To feel my truth. To love myself. To be present. To be grateful. To love all.